Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The House of Sulzberger; A Pictorial History

Above, Patriarch of the family... Doober Von Shitinholen.... who changed his name after the invention of the indoor privy to Sulzberger. Below the Princess Ivan Gottitenass of Anorexia de Blueven with whom Doober had a dalliance in 1533. This was an illicit relationship between unequals and led to the War of the Petunias which lasted over three weeks.
One son, below, came from this union. Skippy Von Steppeninit, who, fortunately inherited his mother's charm, good looks and vast territories in Schushen End Gesundheit which was renowned for its deposits of licorice and incredibly loose women and door hinges.
Skippy was raised by his maiden aunt Baroness Lugi tut a Lugi who, after extensive research, has proven to be his actual mother... a fact unknown to the young Prince.
Skippy Sulzberger was consort to Queen Elizabeth of England during her reign and, like all old people who are married for hundreds of years, they grew to look like each other. There was one child from this trystification but we don't know who the mother was. As a result of a misspoken phrase, Skippy was beheaded. His Lopped Off has been handed down from generation to generation since to instruct that manners do matter.
The picture below has nothing to do with the Sulzberger epic, I just like the hat.
Skippy Sulzberger's son eventually became Ardnack the First who secretly ruled the British Empire in a shadow government behind all the royals for decades. He died in a shrimp boat accident on the Adriatic. His Great, Great, Grandson Terrance of Northtown is the last surviving direct descendent of Skippy. The family fortunes have fallen so far in our egalitarian world that he can't even hitch a ride on a cow.... sad....


  1. You seriously need a job. Or a wife. Or more cats. Something to keep you distracted.

  2. Terry started it. I only respond in kind.... with escalation of course.

  3. I had forgotten this, until I was doing a search for picture's and this popped up! Seriously! Really!